Navigating the Emotional Journey of Natural Conception in Late 30s and 40s

Trying to get pregnant naturally in your late 30s and 40s can be both hopeful and emotionally challenging.  Is it easy? Hell nah.  Is it worth it though? Oh more than you can even imagine.  There is literally nothing more powerful than healing yourself, boosting your fertility, getting pregnant and bringing forth a child up out of your body naturally.  It's a profound experience I know is not for everyone, but is unmatchable in terms of you revealing yourself to yourself and you understanding your own power and divinity.  What a journey!  

As you embark on this journey, it's essential to recognize the unique stressors faced by women in this age group. In this blog post, we will explore the biggest emotional stressors experienced by women trying to conceive naturally in their late 30s and 40s and provide valuable strategies to cope with these emotions.

1. Uncertainty and Waiting: The Weight of Time

For women in their late 30s and 40s, the uncertainty surrounding natural conception can be particularly poignant. As each month passes without a positive result, the weight of time can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and impatience. The awareness of biological clock ticking adds to the emotional burden.  I mean the clock can be louddddd.  But do know that you are not out of time and your time is still best spent addressing the root causes of imbalance in your body so you understand what is standing in the way of your fertility.  In 90 days you can make a significant impact on your gut health, hormones, egg quality, sperm quality etc IF you are on the right plan for YOUR body.  

Coping Strategy: Embrace Mindfulness Embrace mindfulness techniques to stay present and grounded. Practice meditation, deep breathing, or gentle yoga to alleviate stress and anxiety. Remember that every month brings new possibilities and focus on the journey itself rather than the outcome.  This is facts but it's also harder said than done.  Heavy emphasis on the PRACTICE of mindfulness.  Just sit down and do it.  And if you're resisting, start with 3 minutes or even a 1 minute just to create the habit.  When you're ready add a minute.  I'm a strong believer in "book marking" a habit before we actually make the commitment for a full session because the hardest part is often just making the habit.  

2. Fear of Fertility Challenges: Confronting the Unknown

The fear of facing potential fertility challenges looms larger for women in their late 30s and 40s. Concerns about declining fertility and the possibility of difficulties in conceiving can create emotional turmoil and self-doubt.  And it's not hard to see why.  If you're in your late 30's or 40's  your doctor and you can easily label you "geriatric" or "advanced maternal age"--who the eff is in charge of naming!?  The branding sucks.  There's so many toxic things that get said to women trying to conceive in their late 30's and 40's and it's almost impossible to block out all of it.  The sum total can have you doubting yourself and your body's capacity to have a baby.  

But the truth is an infinitesimally small number of women are sterile--the majority are subfertile.  The good news?  Being subfertilie is a description of a mutable state, meaning this can change. Is your doctor going to help you with those changes?  Maybe if they are a functional medicine doctor but your OB, IVF or fertility doctor are not likely to suggest meaningful changes you can make on you own.  This is the perfect time to enlist the support of holistic fertility practitioners who focus specifically on the issue of fertility.   

Coping Strategy: Seek Professional Guidance If fears of fertility challenges arise, seeking guidance from a holistic fertility specialist can provide clarity and peace of mind. A thorough evaluation of reproductive health can help identify any potential issues, and professional holistic fertility coaches can offer personalized guidance and support on your journey.  If you haven't already tried fertility coaching, you may want to consider this option to be a support to both you & your partner.  Good Holistic Fertility Coaches will address the whole of your health, your history, past trauma and abuse, your partner and much more.  A holistic intervention is much more likely to work in these cases rather than an isolated intervention.  

3. Impact on Relationships: Navigating Emotional Waters

Trying to conceive can sometimes place strain on relationships, especially as women in their late 30s and 40s may be considering parenthood with a sense of urgency. Disagreements, blame, or feelings of inadequacy may arise, as partners process the journey differently.

Coping Strategy: Open Communication Encourage open communication with your partner, sharing your feelings, fears, and hopes to foster a deeper understanding of each other's experiences. Consider seeking couples counseling to strengthen your emotional connection during this challenging time.  It's important not to blame each other or play the zero sum game of having forced sex.  We want our babies to be conceived with love & a good time (however you define that).  

Peeling back the white-knuckled grip that we may have on ourselves and our partner especially when we realize we are ovulating is important and should be prioritized.  Giving our nervous system high levels of stress and tenseness is essentially telling our nervous system that it is not a good time to get pregnant.  And no, no one means to find themselves in this place.  But if and when you do, it's important to walk yourself out of this place.   I also know it's easier said than done, but you've got to relax beloved.  

Getting a fertility coach that can help both partners understand their role & work individually & jointly can help you and your lover get back on the same page and bring a whole lot more love, lust & luxury into your conception sex.

4. Coping with the Envy of Others' Success

As you try to conceive in your late 30s and 40s, witnessing friends or acquaintances effortlessly get pregnant can evoke feelings of envy, sadness, and isolation. You might wonder why it seems easier for others while you face challenges.  This is super tricky & a total a mind F&*%.  It's hard not to compare or feel that every new baby announcement or invite to a baby shower isn't the universe highlighting your own lack of a baby.  But truthfully we all come here with our own journey to motherhood.  And for some of us, the path to motherhood is an initiatory one.  One that requires us to do the work of healing ourselves first, before we bring our babies earthside.  So just know, if you have challenges conceiving, then you also have a calling.  

Coping Strategy: Empower Your Support System Talk to your support network about your feelings and emotions. Genuine friends and family will provide empathy and understanding, offering a safe space to share your journey. Surround yourself with positivity and limit exposure to triggers that may evoke envy. There are obviously many people who don't understand the struggle of trying to conceive.  But more insidious is the Facebook groups packed with women shouting out random nutrition and supplements that were THE thing (for them). These groups can also be triggering because they often have high levels of traumatic story telling and trauma bonding. Finding a community of women who are #ttc and also positive and encouraging is game changing because it can help you feel supported and get positive advice about how to support yourself as. you remember it's a marathon--not a race.

5. Embracing Self-Compassion and Realistic Expectations

As you navigate natural conception in your late 30s and 40s, remember to be compassionate with yourself. Understand that the journey might take longer than expected, and fertility might vary from woman to woman.  It's important to be in the right community & with guides who can help you understand what a real & workable plan looks like so that you aren't unnecessarily disappointed by things that were unlikely to work for you.  

Coping Strategy: Set Realistic Goals Set realistic expectations and goals while trying to conceive. Remember that age is just one factor, and many women in their late 30s and 40s successfully conceive naturally. Focus on self-care, nourish your body with a balanced diet, and engage in stress-reducing activities.  Unsure or want guidance--get a fertility coach who can evaluate your unique needs as an individual and as a couple and help you make a plan to help you get and stay pregnant.

Conclusion

The emotional journey of trying to conceive naturally in your late 30s and 40s comes with its unique set of stressors. By embracing mindfulness, seeking holistic professional guidance, and maintaining open communication with your partner and support system, you can navigate these emotional waters more effectively. Remember that you are not alone on this journey, and seeking help and support can make all the difference. Embrace the process with patience and self-compassion, knowing that many women in your age group have successfully embarked on the beautiful journey of natural conception.

If you're exploring natural fertility options and want to learn more, check out The 90 Day Fertility Fix hosted by Regina Kankinza (Ayurvedic Fertility Coach) and Manorah Sangeet Raj (Somatic Fertility Coach)